Is there something important that you’d like to speak to someone about, however you feel that you only have two choices – upset them and turn them into your enemy OR suffer in silence?

A few weeks ago I started re-reading one of the most renown books on effective communication – “Crucial Conversations” – which reminded me of this frequent dilemma.

But are these really the two choices that we have?

A quote to keep in mind

“When it comes to Crucial Conversations, you have only two choices – talk it out OR act it out.

If you fail to discuss issues you have, will those issues magically disappear? No. Instead, they will become the lens you see the other person through. And how you see always shows up in how you act. Your resentment will show up in how you treat the other person.”

– Crucial Conversations

How to have crucial conversations effectively

Take 20-30 minutes to prepare for this conversation – without preparation we’re doomed because our emotions will get the best of us!

During that time, journal on the following questions:

💡 What stories am I telling myself about the person, what they think of me and the situation?

💡Why would a reasonable, rational and decent person behave in the way they did?

💡What am I pretending not to notice about my role in this problem?

💡What outcome would I like from this conversation (for me, for them and for the relationship)?

💡 What can I do (before, during and after the conversation) to move towards that outcome?

Of course, if you’d really like to master crucial conversations, I’d invite like to invite you to read this brilliant book.